Amogh, 23, India

Struggling to prove myself "Ordinary and Normal", when everyone else wants to be "Different".​

Hi, I am Amogh and I was 8 when i was diagnosed with epilepsy. I had a small accident that day and later during that night I had a seizure and was rushe

d to the nearby hospital. Epilepsy was completely new for my parents, they had no clue about its side effects. I am under medication ever since.

As my dad was in a transferable job we had to move to different cities, that's how I got to study in 11 schools by the time I was in 12th grade (we used to get transferred mid-year and I had to finish remaining part of that grade in a new school in an altogether new city). Now comes the interesting part: How did it affect my personality? OR how did it mould my personality?

City 1 - Panjim (Goa), Age 8: After I was diagnosed with epilepsy, everyone was very supportive and always encouraged me. My Martial arts teacher always encouraged me to concentrate on what I could do and not be scared of what could happen to me! That really helped me a lot, I even won 2 Gold medals at state level tournaments.

City 2 - Northern Karnataka, Age 10: This was one of the best phases of my childhood, I was in my native place studying in the same school as my cousins and it felt great (I am an only child and I always wanted a sibling :) ). With all my relatives living in a radius of 20 miles, we had frequent visitors and I felt being cared for and protected. The next 2 years went really smooth. I was the topper of my batch in academics and was also the Class Representative for 2 years (I always liked authority :P)!!!

City 3 - South-west Karnataka, Age 12: This was when things started turning around. My classmates in this new school weren’t very open-minded, there were 2 bossy kinda guys whom the rest of the students followed. I managed to top the school in academics somehow (the kids here were Jerks+Geniuses).

City 4 - Southern Karnataka, Age 15: We moved to this place mid-academic year and I had no option but to join a Tier-3 school. This was when things got really bad. There were all kinds of kids in this school, from drug addicts to drunkards, rowdies to bullies. I was constantly bullied, to an extent that some kids even started calling me “mental” (they used it as a noun and not as an adjective :-\ ). That was when I felt alienated and went into isolation. From a very confident karate kid who was good at academics, I became a fearful, low on confidence boy who didn’t know wtf was happening and why!!! I still managed to top the school and my pic was published in the local newspapers (these were the things that kept me motivated).

City 5 - Hyderabad (South-east India), Age 17: This was where the bullying gained momentum. I was in 12th grade and this is when everyone around you pressures you to concentrate on academics and choose the right career path. I was put into a school with times being from 7am to 8pm. I am sure most of you must have found it really difficult to focus and concentrate for a long time; I always felt tired. In addition, I used to have seizures during class. Again the same old story repeats itself, It was like a sequel to 10th grade - “Bully returns!!!” with the tagline - “Don’t touch him, you might also get a seizure!!” (they thought Epilepsy was contagious). This was when I had lost all the confidence. I couldn’t concentrate on my studies, I had stopped socializing and I wouldn’t even talk to my parents about it. I failed in a couple of subjects (somehow passed them in 2nd attempt). I used to sit at home all day long. All the frustration of being bullied, failing academically and the feeling of being disabled changed me into a different person altogether. I was always very angry and irritated. Some of my relatives even suggested my parents to take me to a religious place and do some rituals (they thought epilepsy was a curse!!!). I had hit the lowest point in my life - academically, mentally, emotionally and physically. Enough is enough!

Then I got into graduation and chose Computer science (I always liked mathematics and computers, Asians you know :P ). This was when I decided that enough is enough, it’s time to stop whining and stand up for myself. That was when I promised to myself that I would only do what made me happy.

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

- Paul Laurence Dunbar

I took up what I loved: music (guitar), breakdance (what better dance form for a guy who is always Impatient!!) and computers.

Present Day - Age 23: Now I am a Software Engineer in the Silicon valley of India (Bangalore). The last seizure I had was when I was in office coding at my desk and the next moment I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital!! This didn’t stop me from achieving what I wanted to achieve. I have been seizure free for 18 months now. I practice guitar and dance daily (hope I’ll master these someday!). I volunteer for an NPO which takes care of under-privileged children cause it makes me really happy. I design and maintain the website of the NPO (here’s the link if you are curious: http://www.lakshyachanginglives.org).

Some do’s and don’ts if you suffer from epilepsy:

- Stay strong, believe in yourself, do what you love doing.

- Seek for help if you feel low on confidence, don’t suppress your feelings.

- Get some physical exercise on a daily basis; could be running, martial arts, dance, gym etc.

- Practice some breathing exercises in the morning.

- Take regular breaks during the day and hydrate yourself.

- If you feel irritated or frustrated, learn to channelize the anger. I personally practice dance or guitar (it really works, calms me down completely).

- Don’t give up on any of the above mentioned points if they don’t provide instantaneous results.

- Don’t stress yourself.

- Don’t isolate yourself; go out, meet new people and talk to them.

My final message to everyone out there who is suffering from a disability: never give up, believe in yourself, you can do it! Life’s too short to keep worrying. Do what you love and spread some smiles. Trust me, it’ll make you very happy and you will have a good night sleep (being an epileptic I know the value of a good sleep :) ).

- June 12th, 2014

Contact info: amoghk.1991@gmail.com